Fellowship Like a Protestant

with a Sacramental flair

Once upon a time, I moved from Michigan to Mississippi. I was pregnant at the time, and the culture shock was so great it made me convert to Catholicism.

Five years after that, I moved from Mississippi to Connecticut. I was pregnant at the time, and the culture shock was so great it almost made me convert to misanthropy.

I’ve already whined ad nauseum about this experience in my very aged memoir, so I’ll just give the briefest of recaps- pretty much everyone I met in Connecticut was terrible and violently intolerant of life. Not a super welcoming place for a newcomer, heavily pregnant with her fifth child and, due to her husband’s demanding work schedule, mostly alone for most of the time.

We had no social safety net here in New England. We knew no one. Our closest relatives were six hours away. My mom was fourteen hours away. My best friend was eighteen hours away. Our neighbors regarded us the same way one regards particularly fertile zoo animals. We were absolutely foreigners. Even in our parish- the one place we should have found communion.

Now, fourteen years later, I’ve had some time to let my sullen grudges melt a little under God’s grace and healing, and here’s what I want to say about things:

• we Catholics have a lot we can learn from our Protestant brethren about fellowshipping. Yes, we understand that the Eucharist binds all of us together in a Communion larger and more profound than donuts and coffee in the hall, but as Sacramental people we can’t pretend like the spiritual is all that’s important.

• As far as the Corporal Works of Mercy go, we’re super good about the clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, and giving drink to the thirsty, but we may want to reconsider our efforts in the works that require more than a donation of money or clothes. You can’t write a check that goes off to go visit the imprisoned. You can’t drop off a bag of “welcome the stranger”. Sometimes, what we have to do is slog through the experience ourselves.

• Regional differences are wild! The woman’s guild in my Mississippi parish always had a finger on the pulse of expectant mothers and organized meal trains. My parish here in New England has a Woman’s Guild that does nothing but sell chocolate lambs during Lent and baked goods during K of C events. If you ask me (which you kinda did by reading this far in my essay), every parish needs to shout wide and far about meal train resources for new parents. Give everyone in the parish the ability to invest in that baby and I guarantee you nobody’s gonna give you the stink eye when he starts crying during Mass. Have a signup link every week in the bulletin.

• Two words: parish directories. Are they hokey? Sure. But do we all use them to look up the name of that guy who always sits behind you? Yup. Only thing- you can’t look up someone’s name if you don’t have a ding dong directory.

• Another two words: small groups. Small group bible study. Small group adult education. Small group “get together to listen to Fr. Mike’s Catechism in a Year” group. And for the love of God, let the kids come! Expect messy and chaotic and be okay with interruptions. Don’t expect young parents to get involved while shouldering the additional burden of childcare.

I know a lot of this is preaching to a choir who can’t implement big changes. And I don’t want to paint my first New England parish with a bad brush- the most welcoming and encouraging people I met in Connecticut were elderly ladies at my church, but we have a pretty bad rep when it comes to fellowship:

Why Are Catholics So Notoriously Bad at Fellowship?

Catholic Fellowship Sucks

Does Catholic Fellowship Matter?

Is the Lack of Fellowship in Catholic Churches Justified?

There’s so much to unpack and think about. I know there was a lot of damage done when post-war communities began to disperse in the 50s; suddenly parishes that had been the social hub for generations lost cohesion as people moved away and moved in. I know there’s a worldview difference between Catholics who understand the Eucharist to be the summit of the church experience and Protestants who don’t have the same view and foster communion in other ways. I know that sex abuse scandals and the willingness of some dioceses to shutter during covid lockdowns have left people angry and betrayed. Trust me, I can understand all the reasons why we Catholics fail at welcoming the stranger, welcoming the friend.

But maybe, during this three year Eucharistic Revival, we can look at our parishes and ask ourselves how we can better imitate our Lord- making ourselves small and accessible enough to come to everybody, coming as something as humble and common as bread.

Please tell me your thoughts in the comments. Does your parish do something well to foster community? Is there something you wish was done better? Let’s figure out how to be Jesus’ hands and feet to our local parishes.